This came across my Tumblr dashboard today, so I figured I’d share it on here with y’all.
Some background: The original post is titled “My sister sent me an email titled “Hilarious”" and it deals with one sister, telling another, to go read reviews of the
book sales pamphlet called “The Secret” because the reviews are hilarious.
Just to bring you up to speed on the caliber of people featured in “The Secret.”
James Ray, the “universe is a genie” guy, was just sentenced to 2 years in prison for baking 3 people to death at one of his events. David Schirmer, the “Australian financial expert” was banned for life by the Australian equivalent of the SEC from trading securities in Australia because of his tendency to take people’s money and use it for his personal expenses instead of investing it like he says he’s going to.
The list goes on.
Here’s the original post:
It was about a book called “The Secret.” She was reading the reviews and comments people made about the book on amazon and felt the need to share some of them with me.
First thing that she had me read was a customer review about the book. This is probably the best thing I have read in a while. Also, the person who wrote this review is in prison because “At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime.“ Here is an expert from the person’s review:
The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the “Law of Attraction” in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn’t exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 “The Secret to Relationships” that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.
The next day in the exercise yard I carried “The Secret” with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I’m not sure that everybody’s life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I’m very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.
Then this a comment someone made in regards to this person’s review:
I for one, am shocked that so many are focusing on the shiv, and not on the the incredible feat of managing to defecate into a mailbox. Considering that the reviewer was convicted but 3 times of this crime, one can do nothing but conclude that Ari has most likely engaged in this practice tens, if not hundreds of times. It boggles the mind at how someone in an extreme state of intoxication could manage to climb up on the large blue postal boxes, hold the door open, and do his business. Likewise, in the case of the residential mailbox, to be able to navigate the drop down door and inject his solid waste product into said mailbox is no less a marvel in physical dexterity. That’s the Secret I’d like to understand.
This whole thing just seriously entertained the fuck out of me. Some people, LOL.
Also, one of my favorite parts from the review by person who shit peoples mailboxes is when he said, “Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I’ve never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15.” Pure fucking entertainment.
The biggest secret, to me, is how people still buy that crappy sales pamphlet and continue to believe in it. What’s wrong with people?