Funny Headlines From Fark


I think my favorites are the one about Kate Gosselin and the one about Liberace. All of these are hilarious though.

Be aware, if you click on the links, you’ll go to Fark. You’ve been farking warned.

Amplify’d from www.fark.com
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-09-12 to Sat 2010-09-18:

The imam behind the so-called “Ground Zero Mosque” says that he’s a fan of the New York Giants. Weird, you’d think he’d be a fan of the Jets

Woman claims EMF levels in her home are making her sick. Unbelievable

Eiffel Tower evacuated due to bomb threat. Reporting live from the scene is Fark’s correspondent mime. What’s happening there, Marcel? “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .” Thanks for the update, Marcel

Thousands of tickets for Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to Britain remain unsold. Which is strange, because the Catholic Church never usually has a problem with filling seats

Husband kills his wife when she cuts the wires to his speakers. Another day, another stereotypical murder

Newsman and grammar stickler Edwin Newman has deceased

Stimulus program hand jobs to those in $800,000 African genital washing program

Researchers at Johns Hopkins find that shootings and hostage situations are directly linked to lockdowns and evacuations

China plans to lead world in eco-friendly cars. Haven’t they lead enough?

Investigators looking into deaths of three bears, theft of porridge

You were caught cheating on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” Do you: A) live a quiet and dignified life, B) perform acts of charity, C) hack off three toes in a freak gardening accident, or D) elephant?

Sports:

Maroney traded to Denver. Claims he’s not from there, you fargin iceholes

In an attempt to move away from incontinent old musicians, the Super Bowl XLV Halftime Show will feature the Black Eyed Peas. Mission half-accomplished, I guess

Kovalchuk shifts to right wing. Granted, everyone does once they come into money

Geek:

An internal nut on the Discovery shuttle slipped out of position and fell into the aft compartment during flight prep. I’m so very scared. Help

Australian man sets Guinness world record for the widest tongue. With his winnings, he will not relocate. Happy to stay down under

Patent office rejects perpetual motion machine that was rejected by the patent office that rejects perpetual motion machines that are rejected by patent offices

Showbiz:

Kate Gosselin takes time out of her busy schedule of not raising eight kids to pose in a bikini for People magazine

Amityville Horror director sues ex-wife after she duped him into believing daughter was his for 17 years. GET OUT

Kelly McGillis joins gay partner in civil union. This is not a repeat from 1986’s Top Gun or 1988’s The Accused

Politics:

Defeated GOP establishment candidate Mike Castle will not give Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell the pleasure of his endorsement. Looks like she’ll have to pleasure herself

In the opening Peace Talks salvo, Palestinians promise to increase mortar shelling for the benefit of Israeli civilians. Israelis respond with a F16 Dove carrying a 500lb olive branch

Newt Gingrich demands federal law outlawing any use of Sharia in US. Also asks for a ban on trans-warp drive, holodecks, Pax gas, and anything else that won’t ever exist

Liberace museum closing in Las Vegas. No word on whether the items will go back in the closet

John Mayer closes his Twitter account. Our long national nightmare is no longer confined to 140-character posts

Business:

Consumers will pay more for goods they can touch, which would explain MC Hammer’s current financial hardship

“Canadian Economy Saunters When It Could Lope.” As long as it doesn’t mosey when it could gallivant. A meander would be more worrisome than a beeline — and prancing is right out

As part of a deal for the city to renew their cable television franchises for another 10 years, Time Warner and Cablevision have agreed to spend $10 million to construct WiFi service in parks across NYC but will limit users to Read more at www.fark.com

Rafael

Rafael is an aviation geek, a consumer advocate, a dad, a multiple personality blogger, a photographer, politically opinionated, a videographer and many other things as well.

You may also like...